My Story - Experiences With Cults and Coercive Control

Throughout my life I have had many encounters with coercive control. The following is an overview of some of these from various contexts. These experiences have shaped my pursuit of knowledge regarding what it means to be a self-empowered individual with the capacity to express free will.

The experience of losing a loved to a cult forced me to re-evaluate my experiences with religion and high demand groups. I was born into Catholicism. Some call this a cult, a perspective I can understand. Nonetheless, I try not to throw the baby out with the bath water.

Catholicism

Identifying as a Catholic and a Christian, holds personal significance for me. While I acknowledge the questionable history of its institutions, I also recognise the value of belonging to a group and recognising some of the Holy Roman Church's more noble qualities. It is with pleasant nostalgia that I recall embracing Catholic rituals as a child, including confessional practices, communion, and confirmation ceremonies.

Over the years, I have explored other belief systems cautiously, influenced by the notion that straying from Christianity was sinful—a mindset potentially indicative of coercive control dynamics. Nonetheless, to call all of Catholicism and/or Christianity a destructive cult is, I believe, a step too far. As an adult, I've worked within various Christian denominations (namely as a teacher at schools that fall into the categories of Catholic, Lutheran, Unity Church, and Steiner). Within these groups I have consistently witnessed genuine love, care, and empathy from its practitioners. When I travelled to Europe, I found solace and joy in visiting ancient cathedrals, often moved to tears by an intangible sense of the divine.

On the dark side of Catholicism are historical controversies, institutional abuses, and ethical dilemmas. From the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition to more recent scandals involving clergy misconduct and cover-ups. The Church has grappled with issues of power, corruption, and injustice. Instances of systemic discrimination, suppression of dissent, and the perpetuation of harmful doctrines have also cast shadows over its legacy. Despite its spiritual teachings of love and compassion, Christianity's history is marred by episodes of intolerance, exploitation, and moral failings which highlight the complexities of faith and human imperfection.

However, Christianity is not all bad. It has a rich tradition and has been a source of profound inspiration, community, and compassion for millions worldwide. Its positive teachings emphasise values of love, forgiveness, and social justice, urging adherents to care for the marginalised and advocate for the downtrodden. Through charitable works, educational institutions, and humanitarian efforts, the Church has played a significant role in addressing poverty, disease, and inequality. Moreover, its intellectual heritage has contributed immensely to fields such as philosophy, theology, and the arts, fostering dialogue and exploration of the human condition. Despite facing criticism and internal challenges, Christianity continues to serve as a beacon of hope and a force for positive change in the lives of countless individuals and communities around the world.

My nuanced relationship with Christianity, Catholicism in particular, aims to illustrate some of the subtle points that stem from having an affiliation with any faith system. For something with the potential to be so good also being so bad, is an apt reminder that religion is full of ambiguity.

In my view, beliefs and religions aren't inherently good or bad; issues arise when individuals' autonomy and freedom are compromised. Identifying groups that exhibit hallmark signs of coercive control is what is important, regardless of any theological practice or doctrine.

Close Encounters with High Demand Groups

Over the years, I've also had a few encounters with other groups that resort to coercive tactics such as fear tactics, so-called divine authority, and gaslighting. The following are snippets of these.

1. Wellness Pyramid Marketing

In my mid-twenties, I encountered a middle-aged woman who pressured me to join her pyramid marketing business which focused on selling health and personal care products. Being inexperienced in the wellness industry, I was genuinely impressed by her apparent expertise in identifying harmful chemicals present in shampoos and makeup. However, my awe turned into anxiety when she started applying high-pressure tactics.

I innocently asked for written information to better understand what was being said to me. Despite my attempts to explain that I was a visual learner, my request was rejected. The woman refused to provide any written materials, expressing fears that I was carrying germs and parasites. She worried that I would contaminate everything I touched, including her brochures. Only upon my commitment to signing up to her downline did she offer to show me written documentation, justifying this position by stating that she would recover her investment through the commissions I would generate.

I was told it was an opportunity of a life time. Moreover, I was directly told that failure to commit meant I was an idiot too lost to a system of naive and ignorant consumers. I was made to feel like I was a worthless human being, totally inferior to her grand insights into health and wellbeing. All my attempts to connect with what she was saying were rejected.

On one hand, I wanted to comply, I wanted to have access to all the wonderful products and knowledge that were spoken of. However, my low income status just would allow me to hand over hundreds of dollars to a scheme without being provided some sort of written information first.

The woman demanded I purchase expensive supplements and join her distribution team, supposedly only for my personal benefit. My refusal to do so solely on her verbal authority instigated an angry outburst. Her abuse included the pronouncement of a long list of curses she was going to be cast upon me. It turned out this woman also practised witchcraft. She claimed to be a “white witch”, meaning one who only used magic and spells for good, but because I was supposedly such a horrid person - physically and spiritually contaminated with parasites - she felt justified in using her powers to “teach me a lesson”.

Initially, I blocked the experience almost as soon as it happened. Years later, I found myself stewing over her words. This woman was not completely wrong, a lot of what she said about chemicals in personal care products proved to be very true. I wished I'd joined. Perhaps I had missed out on something great? Perhaps her abusive language was justified? Processing the rights and wrongs of the situation proved to be an enormous mental and emotional task.

3. Investigations into New Age Philosophies

In my late twenties to early thirties, I embarked upon a journey of exploring spiritual ideas. It was the first time I really stepped out of the comfort zone of the Christian belief system I'd been raised in. Venturing into the philosophical territory of other beliefs was not a simple process. The schema of being punished for eternity for contemplating other religions was deeply embedded in my psyche.

At first, I re-aquatinted myself with an old Catholic friend who reiterated that "New Age" beliefs were sinful. I tepidly continued my research. My friendship circle was not huge but I was connected to a lady who practiced Hinduism and she was one of the kindest people I'd every met. I could not adhere to spiritual snobbery and the idea that a divine creator only loved those who did the "right" rituals.

At the same time, I also harboured a fascination with psychoanalysis, sparked by my admiration for surrealist artworks and my favourite artist, Salvador Dali. This curiosity prompted me to ponder the existence of universal truths and whether Jung's concepts of universal symbolism and collective consciousness held merit. I entertained this concept long and hard. My current view of psychoanalysis is that it has some cultic qualities, nonetheless, in my younger years, the interest served as inspiration to delve deeper into psychological research.

I wanted to uncover the one "true" belief system. Alas, while I was introduced to many amazing concepts, from light-workers, to indigo children, to the Archturians (a race of Christed-aliens who are apparently orbiting the earth waiting for humankind's vibration to raise high enough to pull us all into the fifth dimension), no system of belief provided all the answers I was looking for.

My inquisitiveness lead me to researching many things, namely, ancient cults. From Egypt to the Aztecs, I pursued enlightenment. Contrary to Jungian ideas of universal truths, what I discovered was a lot of variation, albeit some ideas did overlap.

None of the investigations I lead me to being entrapped into any one particular belief system or group. As a parent with two young children, I was conscious of the perils of indoctrinating them into a belief system that was not of their choosing. The ideal of free will resonated with me as being a value of upmost importance. Ultimately, my attention turned predominately to the philosopher Rudolf Steiner.

4. QAnon Conspiracy Theories

More recently, in the early days of the pandemic, amidst a surge of conspiracy theories circulating online, a friend claimed to possess insider knowledge about the Covid situation. Reflecting on this now feels somewhat embarrassing, but I admit I was influenced by QAnon conspiracy theories.

Despite considering myself an intelligent individual, I'm sharing this experience to underscore how easily anyone can be swayed by misinformation, particularly when it originates from a trusted source.

A factor that helped me disengage from these theories was the media's exposure of QAnon, prompting me to reassess and critically evaluate my associations.

5. New Age Philosophies and Pseudo-Psychology

Recently, I reconnected with an old friend whom I used to engage in discussions about health and spiritual topics. He was very much influenced by material he found online that, in my current educated opinion, is as a blend of pseudo-psychology and New Age philosophies. Despite my attempts to engage in dialogue of open-minded exploration of theories, he remained steadfast to what he viewed as being absolute truths. Things became especially tense when he accused me of poor decision-making which was supposedly due to not utilising the "right side" of my brain enough.

I attempted to correct his misconception about the right and left brain theory, explaining that creativity is not confined to one hemisphere, rather it was a function of the whole brain. Between 2017-18, I completed a Master's in Mental Health (specialising in Art Therapy), to which my thesis focused on exploring the nuances of creativity from a variety of viewpoints. Further, I'd undertaken a Graduate Diploma of psychology in which I'd paid particular interest to neuroscience and cognitive underpinnings of creativity. In other words, it was a topic I felt I had expertise in. This friend, however, was not interested in what I knew. They just wanted to convince me that they had superior information.

Despite my empathetic attempts to assert my own self-empowerment, my friend dismissed my views in favour of information he claimed to have channeled from an intergalactic entity. When I wasn't convinced by the authority of the voices he'd heard in head, he then suggested I adopt the "Katie Byron" approach to life.

I know Katie Bryon’s philosophy well. She popularised a "turn it around" technique aimed at challenging and reframing negative thoughts or beliefs. It involves taking a statement or belief that causes distress and mentally flipping it around to consider alternative perspectives. For example, if someone feels "I am worthless," they might be prompted to explore the opposite viewpoint, such as "I am valuable." This process is intended to encourage self-reflection and cultivate a more positive mindset.

However, the "turn it around" method can be harmful when used inappropriately or without proper context. The Netflix documentary titled "Escaping Twin Flames" illustrates a similar approach referred to as "mirroring" that is used by leaders of group that has dubbed a cult. The series aptly shows how damaging turning everything around can be.

Basically, Katie Byron's approach, runs the risk of oversimplifying complex emotional experiences. Not all negative thoughts or beliefs can be effectively reversed with a simple mental exercise, especially those rooted in deep-seated trauma or systemic oppression. In such cases, attempting to "turn it around" may trivialise or invalidate an individual's pain, leading to feelings of frustration, inadequacy, or self-blame. As a trauma-informed therapist, I am opposed to the Katie Byron methodology being used liberally.

In the context that my friend was trying to get me to apply the “turn it around” technique, it was definitely inappropriate. I had just shared a painful personal experience, and they responded by telling me that I needed to reflect upon how I was responsible for the situation. I do not wish to share exactly what the context was, suffice to say the context was equivalent to telling a rape victim they need to “turn it around” and view their rapist as being the “real” victim.

It was a shock for me to realise how entrenched in pseudo-science and pop-psychology my friend had become. Although, if I were to be completely honest, I could also relate to what he was saying because before I'd undertaken my mental health and psychological studies, I too had given credence to such things. Disappointingly, there was absolutely no scope for discussion. My friend was of the firm opinion that a New World Order was imminent. In his imagination, that future involved “right-brained”, Katie Bryon devotes, and all males and females abiding by the rules of gender stereotypes as prescribed by David Dieda.

I’d thrown out Dieda CDs, along with my Byron ones, years ago. I was not open to being re-indoctrinated. (These CD collections were gifted to me from a well meaning friend who thought they may help me get through some life challenges I was having at the time.)

Admittedly, my old library still contains some David Icke books. I do not believe an alien race of shape-shifting reptilians are ruling a global elite through bloodlines. But I’ve kept the books anyway because they are an interesting read, best viewed as being a modern mythology.

Abusive Relationships

Amongst my life experiences I also encountered abusive relationships and intimate partner violence. One relationship in particular, involved a lot of coercive control. This person read my emails and personal journals, subjected me to social isolation, insulted me to a point in which my self esteem was completely crushed, and subtly controlled finances.

Leaving this relationship was particularly trying. When I did eventually leave, I wondered why I hadn't done so sooner. I knew it was because he'd called me names and threatened me with hardships if I ever left him, still I felt bad because I had not stood up for myself sooner. Why did I believe his threats? Why didn't I believe I could do better? Where was my self-empowerment? It took a long time of healing before I realised that all those little attacks had amounted to one big issue that could be summarised as coercive control.

There are only so many times a person can be broken, only so many times that a person can be told they are wrong. Ironically, it is because I was told I was wrong in so many contexts that I became determined to learn accurate information in order to avoid further berating.

Summary

In summary, I've encountered coercive control tactics in various forms, from intimate relationships, to pyramid marketing schemes, conspiracy theories, pop psychology, and New Age philosophies. Through these experiences, I've gained insight into my identity and the importance of knowing thy self.

Coercive control has inflicted significant pain and damage on me personally and has contributed to the estrangement of my daughter. Its recognition is growing in domestic settings, however, it's crucial to also acknowledge its presence in religious and other high-demand groups. Academic literature extensively validates coercive control as a pervasive form of abuse in all situations.

Recovery from and prevention of coercive control are not only achievable but imperative for fostering a healthy society. It's with these convictions in mind that I choose to speak out and devote my efforts to awareness, education, and assisting others to break free of coercive control.

Final Comments

In talking about my experiences with high demand groups and spiritual philosophies that incorporate coercive control, I feel it is important to be completely open about my interest in Rudolf Steiner.

Rudolf Steiner

Rudolf Steiner was a prominent thinker of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. He emphasised the importance of freedom in his philosophy. For Steiner, freedom extends beyond mere absence of constraint to encompass self-awareness and ethical decision-making. He believed that true freedom involves aligning one's actions with inner values and universal ethics. Steiner's ideas on freedom have influenced diverse areas, from education to holistic medicine, advocating for a more harmonious and just society rooted in individual autonomy and ethical responsibility.

I do not view having an interest in Steiner, or being part of a Steiner community, as being equivalent to being in a cult. On the whole, my interactions with Steiner communities have involved interacting with people who truly appreciate autonomy and freedom. It is not an indoctrination process, there no recruitment drives, or money requirements (tithing), or expectations to adhere to particular doctrine. It could be likened to other groups like the Quakers, in which people of all faiths are welcomed and accepted.

That said, I acknowledge that Steiner communities can appear to be a bit of a clique to outsiders. My subjective rating of Steiner communities is that they may generally be defined as being a "3" according to Renée's Cult Ranking. That said, I also acknowledge that some Steiner individuals and/or Steiner groups may engage in more cultic behaviours. Like Christianity or Catholicism, making generalised statements about Steiner being a cult is like throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Mental Health and Psychology Studies

Recovering from my experiences of coercive control in various settings has not always been an easy journey. Losing my autonomy and personal identity led to periods of profound anguish, heartache, and confusion. Healing has required deep introspection and a gradual process of reclaiming self-empowerment.

My current outlook on coercive control is very much influenced by my academic studies and a trauma-informed lens. That is, humans are comprised of a physical body, cognitive mind, and complex emotional faculties, which are all intricately linked through our nervous system. The use of coercive control tactics in various contexts—whether in religious, workplace, or intimate relationships—is harmful to our overall well-being. (See tertiary qualifications below.)

Cults in Australia

As an Australian citizen, I am deeply concerned about destructive high demand groups that operate on our shores. While raising Ellicia, I never realised I had to protect her from the coercive control they can yield. I do not wish any family to go through what I have gone through.

Australia is known for its laid back attitude and openness to religious freedom. Sadly, this has opened the door to cults lead by charismatic leaders preying upon vulnerable people. I am a staunch supporter of every individuals right to the basic human right to Freedom of thought, conscience and religion or belief, however, until there is clarification on what constitutes harmful group, cults can fly under the radar. By drawing upon my background research into various ideologies and mental health training, I have devised a rubric to help determine the level of harm a group poses, particularly in relation to coercive control.

This website is dedicated to sharing raising awareness through education. Please take the time to look around the blogs and articles posted here.

Home Page

Renée's Tertiary Qualifications

Bachelor of Education (Secondary -Visual Art)

University of Melbourne 1994-1998

Masters of Mental Health (Art Therapy)

University of Queensland 2017-2018

Graduate Diploma of Psychology

University of Melbourne 2020-2024

Sharing Stories

If you'd like to share your personal story of coercive control, please reach out here.

Stories from others