Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse that seeks to dominate and exploit individuals by controlling their behaviour, thoughts, and emotions. While often associated with domestic violence, coercive control is also a hallmark of cults. The parallels between coercive control in cults and in domestic settings are striking, and understanding these similarities can shed light on the insidious nature of both forms of abuse. By unpacking these parallels, we can better recognise coercive control in all its forms and provide support to those who are trapped in its grip.
The Manipulation of Love and Affection
One of the most powerful tools of coercive control, both in cults and in domestic settings, is the manipulation of love and affection. In both contexts, the abuser or cult leader creates a dynamic where love and approval are conditional, based on the victim’s compliance with their demands. This conditional love creates a deep sense of dependency, as the victim feels that their worth and identity are tied to the abuser’s approval.
In cults, this is often seen in the way members are praised or rewarded for adhering to the group’s rules and punished or ostracised for deviating from them. The cult leader positions themselves as the ultimate authority, whose love and approval are necessary for the member’s spiritual or emotional well-being. In domestic settings, the abuser uses similar tactics, withholding affection, or giving it only when the victim behaves in ways that please them.
This manipulation creates a cycle of dependency, where the victim is constantly seeking the abuser’s approval, fearing the withdrawal of love or affection. Breaking free from this cycle is incredibly difficult, as it requires the victim to disentangle their sense of self-worth from the abuser’s validation.
Isolation from Outside Influences
Isolation is another key tactic of coercive control, used to cut victims off from sources of support and alternative perspectives. In cults, this often takes the form of encouraging members to sever ties with family and friends outside the group, limiting access to information that might contradict the cult’s teachings, and creating an insular community where the cult’s ideology is reinforced.
Similarly, in domestic settings, abusers often isolate their victims from family, friends, and other support networks. They may control who the victim interacts with, monitor their communications, or create conflicts that drive wedges between the victim and their loved ones. This isolation makes it easier for the abuser to maintain control, as the victim has fewer opportunities to gain perspective on their situation or seek help.
Both in cults and in domestic settings, this isolation is a powerful tool of control. It creates an environment where the abuser’s or cult leader’s narrative is the only one the victim is exposed to, making it harder for them to recognize the abuse and seek a way out.
Gaslighting and Reality Manipulation
Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim question their own perceptions and reality, is a common tactic in both cults and domestic coercive control. In cults, leaders often gaslight members by rewriting the group’s history, denying past abuses, or framing dissent as a sign of spiritual weakness or mental instability.
In domestic settings, abusers use similar tactics, denying or minimising their abusive behavior, blaming the victim for provoking them, or accusing the victim of being overly sensitive or irrational. Over time, this gaslighting erodes the victim’s confidence in their own judgment, making them more reliant on the abuser’s version of reality.
This manipulation of reality is a key component of coercive control, as it keeps the victim disoriented and dependent on the abuser or cult leader for guidance. Breaking free from gaslighting requires the victim to rebuild their trust in their own perceptions, a process that can be long and challenging, especially after prolonged exposure to manipulation.
The Use of Fear and Intimidation
Fear is a powerful motivator, and both cults and domestic abusers use it to maintain control over their victims. In cults, fear is often instilled through threats of spiritual damnation, physical harm, or social ostracism for those who question the group or attempt to leave. The cult leader creates an environment where fear keeps members compliant and discourages dissent.
In domestic settings, abusers use fear and intimidation to control their victims, whether through threats of physical violence, emotional abuse, or economic dependency. The victim may fear for their safety, the safety of their children, or their ability to survive outside the relationship. This fear keeps the victim trapped, even when they recognise the abuse.
In both contexts, fear is used to create a sense of powerlessness in the victim, making it difficult for them to imagine a life outside the control of the abuser or cult leader. Overcoming this fear often requires external support, as the victim may not feel safe or capable of leaving on their own.
The Erosion of Personal Boundaries
A key goal of coercive control, whether in cults or domestic settings, is the erosion of the victim’s personal boundaries. In cults, this might involve demanding total loyalty and obedience to the leader, requiring members to divulge personal secrets, or enforcing strict rules about behavior, dress, or even thoughts. The cult seeks to control every aspect of the member’s life, leaving no room for individual autonomy.
In domestic settings, abusers often erode their victim’s boundaries by invading their privacy, dictating their choices, and ignoring their needs and desires. The abuser may control finances, restrict the victim’s access to resources, or demand constant attention and obedience. Over time, the victim’s sense of self is diminished, as their boundaries are consistently violated and their autonomy is stripped away.
Rebuilding personal boundaries is a crucial part of recovery for those who have experienced coercive control. It involves reclaiming the right to make decisions, assert needs, and set limits, all of which have been undermined by the abuser or cult leader.
Conclusion: Recognising and Resisting Coercive Control in Cults and Domestic Coercive Control
The parallels between coercive control in cults and domestic settings highlight the universality of this form of abuse. Whether in the context of a personal relationship or a group, coercive control seeks to dominate and exploit by eroding the victim’s autonomy, self-worth, and sense of reality. Recognizing these tactics is the first step in resisting and breaking free from their grip.
For those who have experienced coercive control, whether in a cult or a domestic relationship, the journey to freedom is challenging but possible. It requires rebuilding trust in oneself, reconnecting with supportive people, and reclaiming personal autonomy. For those who support survivors, understanding the dynamics of coercive control can foster empathy and provide the tools needed to help them on their path to recovery.
By drawing attention to the similarities between cults and domestic coercive control, we can better understand the pervasive nature of this abuse and work to prevent it in all its forms.
Comments