Change is an inevitable part of life. Change when it’s not what we wanted or expected is the hardest. Lovers who part ways know this heartache well. The heartbreak of leaving a community you love is just as hard, if not harder because it means breaking ties with multiple people all at once. Just as you don’t enter a group with the conscious knowledge that it is a cult, you usually don’t leave with a clear understanding that you were in a high demand group. That comes later.
In the midst of devastation, self blame, and confusion, is the realisation that you were deceived and manipulated. It is a hard pill to swallow. There is no other way to do it except ripping the band aid off in one swift move. Sometimes the blood that seeps is more painful than the scar below.
Leaving a cult
Leaving a cult is a tearing away from something you once held dear. It's a deeply disorienting experience filled with sadness. The newfound sense of freedom is overshadowed with grief and anguish. When you realise that the community you cherished and once believed in is in fact, a prison of manipulation and control, the heartbreak is immense.
The Allure of Belonging
At first, the cult felt like a sanctuary. The love bombing felt so real, like you’d really found your place in this messed up world. It offered answers to life's big questions, a sense of belonging, and a purpose that resonated deeply with you. The camaraderie, the shared mission, and the feeling of being part of something larger than yourself was intoxicating. It was a family, a home, a place where you believed you were understood and valued.
But the very things that drew you in—the promises of love, acceptance, and purpose—became the chains that bound you. The boundaries between care and control blurred. The line between genuine concern and exploitation became indistinguishable.
The Trauma of Awakening
The moment of awakening—the realisation that you’ve been manipulated—is a harrowing one. It’s like a veil lifting and the truth revealed below shatters your reality.
The teachings you once embraced, the leaders you revered, and the community you considered your family suddenly appear in a different light, a light that exposes the dark undercurrents of control and exploitation. They are necessarily bad people. You are not a bad person. And yet there were things you all did and said which no longer seem acceptable.
This revelation is traumatic. It feels like betrayal on the deepest level. You question your own judgment, wondering how you could have been so blind, how you could have allowed yourself to be so completely consumed by the leadership’s influence. The understanding that cult leaders are masters of subtlety, weaving their control through every aspect of your life until their will becomes your accepted reality, is like a cream that is supposed to sooth but really stings.
Society’s Misunderstanding
Outsiders often struggle to understand the grip of the cult you were once dedicated to. Yes, you were coerced. But it was still your words and behaviours. There’s a persistent belief that rational people wouldn’t fall for such manipulation, that you must have been naive or weak. You are neither. You were so strong to put up with all that. You were kind and considerate. You thought the hard times would pass and that the bliss you were patiently waiting for was just around the corner. Maybe you should have realised sooner that things would never improve. Damn your positive thinking!
One cannot overlook the powerful allure of community and purpose that cults offer, nor the sophisticated methods used to ensnare and control the unsuspecting.
Society might not see the emotional and psychological chains that bound you. They may not understand the fear, the guilt, and the love that kept you there. They don’t see how your thoughts and beliefs were slowly reformed, or how your sense of self was systematically dismantled.
The Journey of Acceptance
Coming to terms with the fact that you were part of a cult is a significant step towards healing. It means acknowledging that you were deceived, that you were vulnerable, but also recognising the strength it took to leave. It's a painful but powerful acceptance.
Healing from this kind of deep-seated manipulation is not straightforward. It involves rebuilding your identity, rediscovering who you are outside the shadow of the cult. It’s about forgiving yourself for being drawn in, for staying, for the parts of you that still miss the sense of belonging and purpose you found there.
Moving Forward
Leaving a cult is one of the bravest things anyone can do. It’s an act of reclaiming your life and your autonomy. It’s choosing your own path over the dictated one, even if it means stepping into the unknown.
Healing means not just moving on but integrating what you’ve learned into your life. It’s about acknowledging the parts of the cult that appealed to you and finding healthy ways to fulfil those needs. It’s about rediscovering your strength and using your experience to build a life that reflects your true self.
Leaving might feel like losing a part of yourself, but it’s also an opportunity to find your true self. It’s about stepping into the light of your own strength and reclaiming your freedom, your identity, and your life. It’s about realising you do not need an eternal human entity or community to give you power. You are self-empowered. All that is needed is the grace to accept yourself.
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